can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
