I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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