i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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