We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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