Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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