i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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