I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
