You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
