Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
