SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
