well you can't waste a boner
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
