dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize