are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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