When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
