I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
