yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
