Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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