So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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