forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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