We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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