You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
