also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize