so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
