i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I see more hoeing in ur future
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
