I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He? As in you personified your dick?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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