Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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