I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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