K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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