I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
