If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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