he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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