Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
