I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize