Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
