Tell her she can't have a vagina
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
