Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize