So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
