When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
