Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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