Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
