First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
