Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
