i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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