I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
