Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
