There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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