you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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