Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
