i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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