I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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