I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
