***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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