So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
