Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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