where am i from again
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize