Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
