Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize