I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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