this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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