It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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