Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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