we have pet lesbian snakes
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize