Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
