I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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