In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
