She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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