that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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