Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
