i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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