I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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