So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
