If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dicks are not precious.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
