yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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