You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
