Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
