Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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