I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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