have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
