pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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