Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
