Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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