I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
