I hate your face
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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