I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
