you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
