my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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