Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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