Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
