i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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