she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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