Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
