we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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