He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
