I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize