We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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