You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
