Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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