I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
