Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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