yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
