i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
