They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
