I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
