Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
