I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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