She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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