My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
