I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
