I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
