people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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