i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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